INTJ
introverted • intuitive • thinking • judging
the INTJ on tumblr
Anonymous said: Greetings! I'm an INFP eager to aid an INTJ classmate. I supervised her behaviour, which consisted of full commitment in a friendship with her deskmate. From the information I've gathered, my INTJ classmate is ignored by her deskmate. She got to make what she acknowledged to be a long lasting friend. Most of the time, she makes great amounts of effort to initiate a conversation, in order to build a thorough friendship, not a half-assed one. Do you consider her rejecting my aid?

I’m not quite sure if I got this one right. This INTJ classmate of yours is trying to become close friends with her deskmate and you have discovered that this deskmate doesn’t really want to be friends with the INTJ, the INTJ doesn’t realize that and therefore you’d like to tell her about it.

At first I think that you should consider that you may have gotten the wrong impression of this situation. Maybe this deskmate and the INTJ are meeting each other after school and their friendship may be just perfect. So yeah… That’s that.

Now going on. The thing is that INTJs are usually known to be very independent people and try to maintain this independence. So she will probably either not believe you or start to argue with you. Be prepared for that. Other than that I think it’s worth a try. I know an INFP ( infp-feelings ) myself and even if I don’t think that she ever analyzed my behavior like you did with your INTJ - she still is one of those few persons who know me almost too well.

To sum it up: The worst possible outcome here is that you start arguing about it and can’t agree on anything. So give it a try!

Yours,

Sandra

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Anonymous said: Not that urgent. I'm an INTJ and I'm feeling lost. My sensitive side is starting to bite at my ankles - I guess it's at its limit and I just need a good cry to let it out. But is there any way an INTJ can deal with sad emotions in a way that isn't bottling them up ? It's how I've been dealing with them but I feel like it's not the right way to.

I think that you’re right. Bottling it all up and not letting anything out ever, isn’t the right way to go because sometimes letting it all out will make you feel way better. You need to try to discover your Fe. It’s easier said than done but I think that it’s possible.

You have to be aware that showing feelings is ok. In my opinion showing feelings is actually a rather good thing sometimes because other persons can understand you a bit better if you don’t hide everything all the time. Become aware of your feelings and be brave enough to let it out. You’ll need to build up enough trust others in order to be able to show feelings in front them. But if you’re too uncomfortable doing that, you can start with letting it all out while being alone. E.g.: If you don’t usually do that, cry if you feel like it or scream to get your anger out of your body.

When it comes to showing emotions in front of others, it might be a good idea to start with expressing positive feelings a bit more. This may be an uncomfortable situation as well but it is worth a try and you’ll have another new expierence after doing this. Once a person has earned enough trust and once you’re open enough to show feelings, it will not feel that uncomfortable anymore if others see you being emotional.

Yours,

Sandra

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Anonymous said: Are INTJs often pessimists and misanthropists?

Some may be and some probably don’t see themselves that way. E.g. Personally I’d say that I’m more of an optimist.

And I think that many INTJs would probably agree that dealing with people in general isn’t really something they love to do. But social interaction can be perfectly fine as well - depending on the people we’re seeing / meeting / talking to.

Yours,

Sandra

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Anonymous said: I'm an INTJ who has never been in a relationship. I'm 17, and whilst I know that the majority of boys in my vicinity don't take relationships as seriously as I do, I still long for that connection. I know, logically, love doesn't always last. The majority of marriages end in divorce, and relationships can end as quickly as they begin. My question is; is love really possible for people like us? Especially someone as cynical and unlovable as myself?

Of course! Love is possible to happen to anyone! I’ve answered a similar question before and I think you should read it because it contains a lot of answers. Find it here.

The main thing you have to learn from right now is to appreciate yourself. The mere fact that you are calling yourself “unlovable” in this message you sent me, shows that you’re not able yet to love yourself for who you are. I think that this is a very important step. It won’t help you to immediately find a boyfriend but you’ll be able to calm down and get some kind of inner stability. You may still long for a partner in your life but you’ll be less unhappy about not having someone.

I hope that this little answer was helpful to you!

Yours,

Sandra

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Anonymous said: How are INTJ-INTJ couples when it comes to parenting?

I don’t know of any examples right now, but I do know that INTJs as parents in general provide a lot of space for their kids to grow and develop their personalities on their own. (Read more about INTJs + parenting in general here, here and here)

The problem I personally see with two INTJs as parents is that the child will not really have a warm and emotional parent to cuddle with or something. Sure INTJ parents may do that as well but they can’t provide an emotional support like some other types can. Therefore I think that a child with INTJ-INTJ-parents will probably start looking for this emotional shelter somewhere else (aunts and uncles or cousins or friends).

I still think that in general this can work quite well. The child will definitely have enough freedom to unfold his/her personality and that’s quite something.

Yours,

Sandra

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Anonymous said: I've always unconsciously been an INTJ and I've always tried to change myself because people made me feel like something was wrong with me, even my psychologist tried to fix things that I now know are just part of my personality and do not require any change. I've spent most of my life wearing a mask, trying to act in ways I can't stand. Luckily I'm still very young so it's not too late for me to realize that being different and an INTJ is totally okay.

I’m glad that you came to realize that! There’s nothing wrong with having a healthy INTJ-mind after all. As a further recommendation about the social mask and society topic I suggest you to watch this video by Nathaniel.

Thank you for sharing your story!

Yours,

Sandra

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Anonymous said: I don't really know if this is common for other INTJs but, is it usual to feel kind of... uncomfortable around people? I can't really put it into words but I usually dislike talking or making eye contact with others. I'm wondering how I could tell this to other people without sounding rude so that they would understand.

Yes. I think that there are quite a few INTJs who can relate to your words. You seem to have a strongly developed Ni or introverted side in general but you seem like as if you don’t use your extroverted functions that much - e.g. Extroverted Thinking. This strong introversion is often not easy to understand for extroverted types. You can only bluntly tell them that you are too much of an introvert to be in social situations like this for too long.

I’ve covered questions about similar topics herehere and here.

Yours,

Sandra

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Anonymous said: I've taken various tests and the results are always overwhelmingly INTJ, but I often wonder what other INTJs felt as children (I'm a 20yr old female), because it all seems quite un-INTJ like. I was very shy, a huge tomboy, bullied a bit in school (but everyone generally had very high opinions of me, especially adults), and I was pretty unafraid to express emotions (aside from anger, I've never really gotten angry). So I've been curious as to what other's experiences were like. Thanks.

Since your personality is only developing while you’re a child, the different feelings / phases other INTJs may have gone through can seem quite random and very different. 

"Almost all kids will go through an ESFP phase." [source]

This might explain you not being afraid to express emotions… Since you talked about being curious what experiences other INTJs had when they were young, I’ll pass this question on to you guys out there: Anything you’d like to share about your childhood? Leave a comment!

And since I’m an INTJ as well, I’ll tell you a little something about my childhood: I was shy as well. It always took me quite some time to open up and talk to people (even if they were family like cousins or something). And I was very cautious. I’ve never had any big troubles in school and I was this kid in the classroom who always had everything prepared. I had one single B in elementary school which is why I didn’t get a book for my graduation and I was pretty pissed about that.

That’s that.

Yours,

Sandra

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Anonymous said: As an INTJ, I'm usually very calm about my emotions. I get irritated with the people around me sometimes, but as far as expression of happiness, sadness or any other emotion, I'm pretty stoic. What I want to know is, is it normal for an INTJ to feel so emotional on the inside? Like we feel all this things, but expressing them is uncomfortable, so we don't, but inside, it's like someone smashed a pinata of emotion?

Yup. You’re just explaining Introverted Feeling (Fi) right here. It’s the INTJs third function. We usually don’t let our feelings take over our minds when making decisions though and we don’t use Fi as our first function (like ISFPs and INFPs do).

Yours,

Sandra

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Anonymous said: Hello! I just found out about this test, and I'm really confused whether I am an INTP or an INTJ. Is it possible if you tell me the main differences between the two...? Thank you!

You can find a lot about the differences here.

Yours,

Sandra

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Anonymous said: I'm very good at terminating relationships if they are just too draining- I tend to give a lot in a relationship but do so begrudgingly. Currently I haven't spoken to my best friend for 5 months because she just demanded too much and gave nothing back. I'll be starting a new job and I am concerned about how to go about meeting new people and formulating relationships. I don't mind being alone but I'd prefer not to be forever. Advice?

Iv’e once posted this fact and I think it explains your situation as well. For me it’s simliar in almost every case. I don’t contact people / friends on my own. If they are trying to reach me and see me again, I’ll be happy about it and I’ll probably enjoy their presence (depending on the person of course) but I usually don’t call them or text them first.

If you have the feeling however of not wanting to be alone - you should consider trying to contact your friends more frequently. This might not be the most comfortable thing to do but I’m sure that you won’t regret it.

You might also want to try to see what people are giving you back and start noticing and appreciating little gestures. Others often think that everyone appreciates things like this but INTJs often don’t even realize that it “meant” something. So keep your eyes open for that.

Yeah. Other than that there’s not much more on my mind about this right now. I hope that this little advice was helpful to you.

Yours,

Sandra

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Anonymous said: Can two INTJs ever have relationship?

Yes. Want proof? Find it here.

Yours,

Sandra

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Anonymous said: I am definetely an INTJ but i do (sometimes; not all the time) do show my appreciation to friends but with close friends or family i get uncomfortable with showing appreciation. I tend to show my appreciation with actions rather than words. Is that weird that i tell my appreciation with people i hardly call friends but find it hard with people i do love?

Hm… I wouldn’t say it’s weird. It’s a little unusual but I think that it makes sense kind of because those very close friends already know you so well that at some point it gets uncomfortable. Whereas with new found friends you still have a lot to tell them about you… Did this make sense?

If anyone else has something on their minds regarding this very issue - Leave a comment!

Yours,

Sandra

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Anonymous said: I'm 90% sure that I'm INTJ but there's one thing I'm not completely sure about. A common characteristic Ive seen on this blog is taking a long time to trust someone but when they do, they can tell them anything. But when it comes to actual intimate relationships, once it gets past that wall of trust I'm actually sort of clingy? I don't know if its because growing up I only knew three of my family members and had very few friends lacked attention and affection or if its actually a trait of INTJs.

I’ve answered questions about being clingy before. Which probably means that you’re definitely not the only one experiencing this. Find those posts here.

Yours,

Sandra

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Anonymous said: I just finally took the mbti test and it has really shed some light. Knowing now that I am intj and others are too is comforting, that my thoughts and lack of emotional expression aren't as unusual as previously thought. Looking under your distant tag has helped too. I hardly get truly excited, and most times feel like I have to force it.

Well I’m glad that this blog was able to help you with discovering your personality type a bit further. And I’m happy that you realized that you aren’t the only one behaving this way. I think that this knowledge that there are others out there being and thinking similiar than oneself is very useful for strengthening ones personality and self confidence.

Thank you for sharing your story!

Yours,

Sandra

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